Control Me? Where Is The Strength To Do Good?

By Christina Dudley

Self-control. Where does the strength come from to really do good while those wild urges resist being wrangled? That extra bite, serving or even a whole meal when I am already full. Those words that do not need to be said, definitely not that way, or on repeat. The moments where I can just be present but I am not there. A moment to stay asleep but I cannot. I am inspired to create or write something but I am distracted. I want something to change or already be over, but I do not know how to get there, or in reality, I do know what to do but the work involved feels tough. If I define control as something that I have authority over, myself can really give me a hard time.

I recently read Kind is the New Classy by Candace Cameron Bure. Yes, she is DJ from Full (and Fuller) House. I was drawn to this book because I want to be more kind in my interactions and teach my kids to do the same. Being with others can be tough sometimes. Self-control plays a big role in kindness, and in how much we help and love each other rather than react and hurt. Bure describes self-control as not something that we muster up from within and execute by ourselves. She has found self-control to be the by-product of time spent in relationship with God. I receive self-control as I hang out with God in prayer and the Bible. This daily refueling puts our heart, soul and mind back in submission to God and His great wisdom for our lives. These moments with Him equip us to have self-control.

That takes a lot of the pressure off of me to try to create self-control. I can give Him all that is happening in my life, the joys and the sorrows, rather than letting them control me. I literally put out my palms, hand it all over, and ask for help. I want help to rise above my limited perspective and resources. During this time of prayer and reading the Bible, He can show me myself and others in a new light, reminding me of the need to love, give dignity, and forgiveness. He can show me what He is doing and where I can join Him. Instead of seeing only what is not going well in my life, He can show me what is going well. He can show me what I really should be focused on, where I should be giving my time, attention and energy instead of being trapped in what is urgently trying to take my focus. He reminds me of what matters most, which is usually a relationship or a job before me. He leads me to change my focus, actions, or direction. Then it is my job to obey these leadings. I can do or stop doing where He is leading. I can do what I know needs to be done.

However, instead of obeying, sometimes a lack of self-control wants to come in again and sabotage. I want to avoid the action of doing my part, wanting to believe that it will somehow still all work out, and that I and others are somehow immune to the consequences of my inaction. When this happens, I can stop and return to this place of looking to God again. I do not have to let emotions, fear, desires rise up and take over. I don’t have to do this in my own strength.

Sometimes it is my physical body that wants to react and damage, I can again stop and look to Him. Bure encourages us to check in with ourselves using the HALT acronym: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Is one of these needs causing me or others to behave without control? Instead of letting one of these needs take over me, I can stop, recognize, and take care of the need. Some of this stress can be avoided by making a plan or routine to keep these needs met on a regular basis instead of being surprised by the consequences of their deficiencies.

When I forgo the action of regularly planning to refuel not only my physical body but my soul, I am operating on the belief that the risk or consequences involved will probably not happen to me. Why is this a risk that I am willing to take with all that is important to me? Just showing up can set me up to have a battle with self-control or self-sabotaging habits. I have to be honest with myself about the risk involved in just winging it in life. If I value myself and my contributions, then I can pause and prepare properly to give my best and highest quality self to each moment. I put on my oxygen mask, then I am best equipped to help others.

The best way to be my best is to receive His best in relationship with Him. “He does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (or self-control)” (2 Timothy 1:7). “Self-control is so important that it is listed with power and love” (Bure). He gives it to us. He equips us for the good works set out for us today. Thank God that I do not have to do it in my own strength, wrangling in this soul and body. I can come before Him and fill up with His endless resources of wisdom and love, and then walk through the day with Him. Not my strength, but His. Not my will, but His.